Surf Ninjas: NY Style

In a moment of great uncertainty where doing nothing would certainly cost them their lives, a Delta Force operator told his comrades, "We will plan it on the move" and action on instinct certainly preserved their lives.

Tonight was almost exactly like that for me...well in its own right.

The mission was 173rd st and Broadway, NY, NY. What was it?

Only the baddest, sturdiest coffee table on the market and its GONNA GO FAST! Swift action to a highly coveted IKEA item was the only response. I felt like Jordin Sparks and her call to action in the song Battlefield to "GET YOUR ARMOR, Get your armor!" Immediacy was the only solution and armor up I did.

Armed with a dolly and a $20 bill I set off on foot to bring back an item of such great importance that inaction on my part would certainly cost me dearly...where would I put my magazines, junk mail, and the free newspaper this guy gives me on the subway everyday. My pride, ego, and manhood were all on the line. Normally, this would be "just another job", but I was short my usual partner in action who once almost single-handedly pulled a sofa-bed couch (which weighs a bunch) off a truck into our apartment. This night she was training cub scouts the great art of a Christmas Party. All I had was my dolly:

I ventured out walking through the blistering 20 degree weather as it bounced off my jacket, already fighting against me. I knew there was more to come. My insertion point took me a .6 mile move into the northern region of Washington Heights. I moved in the cover of night, as only it new my true mission.

I arrived uneventfully only nursing a sore ankle. My anxious seller at 173rd was eager to rid herself of the item and as I loaded it onto the dolly I knew it was not going to be a "Party In the USA" as Miley Cyrus was long to say. I looked down the concrete path and had faith it was going to be alright.

I jumped on that table and surfed down 173rd st with one casual onlooker becoming not so casual as he stopped and stood there staring as I boogie boarded down to Fort Washington St. The cracks in the side walk challenged me but I navigated through them. Thank goodness I watched Hollywood movies showing me that things like that were possible.

I continued down Fort Washington and was cheered on by some inner-city youth jeering me into further action. Midway through the journey a broomstick from a local garbage can served as my rod of direction and "planning as I went" I made it to my destination.

I have great news, no damage to the asset and it now resides in a safe house under the witness protection program.

This is one of the guards in the safe house.