Too Many Reality Shows got you Down

Too much intensity exists in reality shows, which is the reason they sell so well. However, it's nice to have a good laugh and the quote "I didn't come here too make friends" does just that. Enjoy!

Never would have guessed this happened to me...

It was another ho-hum day on a lunch break. However, the streets on Broadway always hold something spectacular, even if you are not interested in it, you still check it out. On my jaunt I noticed a small staging area and many passing by and cameras flashing, of course, I couldn't resist:

I went full bravado in the picture, thinking, well will I ever get to pose for Sex and the City 2 and represent Jessica blah blah again, probably not. Obviously I'm a huge fan since I knew one of the three names, but I'm an even bigger fan of t-shirts, to which I won a Sex and the City 2 shirt for Leslie. I am sure my house cleaning rag bag will be glad for the new contribution!

Love me some Technology

Dude, I got some awesome bluetooth headphones. They work great too!

So any computer can have this little guy installed on it by plugging it into a usb port and downloading a driver. You can walk anywhere in the house and still be listening to whatever it is you were watching. Of course it can be paired with a cell phone that has bluetooth since it has a microphone.

So Leslie uses them to watch netflix on one computer monitor and I get to do my homework on the other monitor. However, it doesn't always work, for instance I am writing this blog when I should be working on my homework. The downside is that I don't get to listen to Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix Watch Instantly.

Unfortunately, the show is awesome and I find myself drifting over to it, occasionally seeing some hilarious images whenever Leslie laughs really hard. Here is one:

Pictured above, Buffy's Mom with a vamp taking their self-portrait. He is so excited, that smile!

Crystal, this is for you:

Part 2: Cats on a plane

Cell phone pics are a quentesential part of our life. Last time I brought you my insights to the Bronx, as well as how I helped a young man come to terms with his father's passing (it's about being in the right place at the right time).

I'm dedicating this post to all the animals out there in NYC.

Years ago in the concrete jungles of a Mesa desert a rhythmic cat caught stride in one of his favorite things ever. While other cats found joys in the simple things of life like chasing a ball, mice, and chinchillas he found that a simple bowl of corn cat food was quite enjoyable. Young Whicket has taken to food like an angry Bob Barker to Happy Gilmore's face.

Years ago he was like this, but even then there were hints of his hidden obsession:

However, more recently here's what he's been up to:

We think it has to do with portion size.

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During my time on the streets many things surface and well, here they are:

This guy was in the flower store window

This golden retriever couldn't be happier

While I was in the "Everything 99 cents Or More" store

Another store...

People here park there animals like horses in the 1800s

Still not a horse, but similar treatment. This cat is our super's, he also has the same condition as Whickett.

I don't know what was going on here

I'll never forget this experience of "Cats on a Plane," as Leslie coined it. When I flew to NY in Sept. 09 I took my cats on the plane to move here by myself. I ended up getting another carrier, which gave Whickett the space he needed so he could complain for 8 hours straight. I gave him so much tranquilizer medicine I'm surprised he didn't pass out, which was actually my hope since I tried to triple the dosage on him but to no avail.

He was a little slice of heaven that whole trip

Awww yes, that trip was one for the books...

PART 1 Too Much of a Good Thing: STAIR CASE OF DOOM

Every once in a while it is good to go through old camera shots, because, well what else would I do with them if I didn't. It is cleansing and sometimes a cathartic experience to go through history this way. But, ultimately its best to share. I would ask the same.

1) Cat food, kitty litter and a few weeks of groceries, hmmm, how would you get these home after a Costco/BJs trip? My blasted cart is my blessing and curse. You might think that this is a Grama in a jacket, no it's me in 20 degree weather.
----It goes like this: roll it to the bus, carry it up the steps, carry it off the bus, and carry it down two flights of stairs. This gets me to the subway, but just for good measure, I carry it down another flight of stairs to the platform. Booyah! By this time it just feels like a good workout. Well, then its back up a flight, roll it to an exit and then 1/3 mile push home.

After this experience we will only ever use taxis to come back, I insist.


2) STAIR CASE OF DOOM I got lost in the Bronx once and ended up walking back to Manhattan. Looking back I should have just gotten back on the subway from where I got on the wrong one. Everyone has had this happen, at least once, and this will never happen again. Thank goodness I had my "Not For Tourists" (NFT) Brand map showing me how to get back. It also shows grocery, liquor, and hardware stores in the city. I set off on foot at Yankee Stadium.

I ended up walking through Harlem, that was CRAZY! Two guys came up to me asking me if I knew where the liquor shop was and I was about to say no, but then...I remembered! I pulled out my NFT book and showed them with great exactness where they could go to spoil themselves...I felt proud, thinking "this new NEW YORKER can still teach regulars a thing or two."

Later on, I couldn't go north and I had to keep following a road. I noticed I was going downhill. I knew I'd eventually have to go up this embankment, but HOW? Hmmm....to get up the hill, then BOOM, there it was, the biggest staircase ever (for me anyway). I lost count.


On the other side of the staircase there were a bunch of police, fireman and emergency vehicles on a block. There were people everywhere around walking and staring at a stretcher with someone on it. I walked by many people and really wanted to ask what happened.
However, I was shy and embarrassed, but as I got to the end of the area I could take no more and had to ask. A young boy of 12-13 walked in front of me and I asked him, "Hey, do you know what happened?"

Of all the people I could have chosen, OF ALL THE PEOPLE...the boy responds, as he looked into my face, "It was my dad." Then he started moaning, "He's dead!" and again yelling, "He's dead!" He started walking off, I didn't even get to apologize, I felt horrible...

I quickly came home after. Now I admitted the misstepping of my boundaries to everyone, this is what I mean about a carthartic experience. Its good to have that out on the table.

Ending of Part 1

The SpaceSaver Email

Since we sold everything or gave it away to come to New York I forgot that accruing everything back takes a while.

Thus has been the case in our bathroom and kitchen. Things were piled on top of the other and such.

Then along came Amazon.com and its wonders for home decor and organizing. I decided that this would do a world of difference for us!

Boy I was right about, I ordered it immediately on December 29, 2009 and they gave me an estimated delivery of 1/8/10 - 1/13/09. On the 14th I was sooooo sad, I really wanted my outer space saver and so I sent them a piece of my mind:

Hello AAA Home Furniture Discounts,

 I have been eagerly awaiting my awesome Toilet Spacesaver. I have had my hand on the door knob just waiting for the UPS/Fedex delivery person to show up with my space saving product... so far, I have been sad... for it did not come yesterday 1/13/10, which was the latest estimated time. Not only have I been anticipating this, I actually have a really cluttered bathroom now that has been crying at me to help it.
 My New York apartment is only so big, and a normal person's belongings would look like a storage warehouse in my place. Thus, that is why I need this Spaceage Toilet SPACESAVER. It has been beckoning me.
 Thank you.

And they replied back:

Hi Rhett

I understand!! Certainly this will be very useful to you :) I have GOOD news this should be delivered tomorrow via FEDEX 613634130809219 Let the space saving BEGIN!! Thank you!
Warm Regards
Lea
HFD

 
I made sure to show them a little excitement and boom, they responded back, sure I coulda been mean or something, but it wouldn't have been any fun. And Lea was right, the next day it arrived.

It's weird cuz I used to get excited about all these other things...

and now I like home decor....

Surf Ninjas: NY Style

In a moment of great uncertainty where doing nothing would certainly cost them their lives, a Delta Force operator told his comrades, "We will plan it on the move" and action on instinct certainly preserved their lives.

Tonight was almost exactly like that for me...well in its own right.

The mission was 173rd st and Broadway, NY, NY. What was it?

Only the baddest, sturdiest coffee table on the market and its GONNA GO FAST! Swift action to a highly coveted IKEA item was the only response. I felt like Jordin Sparks and her call to action in the song Battlefield to "GET YOUR ARMOR, Get your armor!" Immediacy was the only solution and armor up I did.

Armed with a dolly and a $20 bill I set off on foot to bring back an item of such great importance that inaction on my part would certainly cost me dearly...where would I put my magazines, junk mail, and the free newspaper this guy gives me on the subway everyday. My pride, ego, and manhood were all on the line. Normally, this would be "just another job", but I was short my usual partner in action who once almost single-handedly pulled a sofa-bed couch (which weighs a bunch) off a truck into our apartment. This night she was training cub scouts the great art of a Christmas Party. All I had was my dolly:

I ventured out walking through the blistering 20 degree weather as it bounced off my jacket, already fighting against me. I knew there was more to come. My insertion point took me a .6 mile move into the northern region of Washington Heights. I moved in the cover of night, as only it new my true mission.

I arrived uneventfully only nursing a sore ankle. My anxious seller at 173rd was eager to rid herself of the item and as I loaded it onto the dolly I knew it was not going to be a "Party In the USA" as Miley Cyrus was long to say. I looked down the concrete path and had faith it was going to be alright.

I jumped on that table and surfed down 173rd st with one casual onlooker becoming not so casual as he stopped and stood there staring as I boogie boarded down to Fort Washington St. The cracks in the side walk challenged me but I navigated through them. Thank goodness I watched Hollywood movies showing me that things like that were possible.

I continued down Fort Washington and was cheered on by some inner-city youth jeering me into further action. Midway through the journey a broomstick from a local garbage can served as my rod of direction and "planning as I went" I made it to my destination.

I have great news, no damage to the asset and it now resides in a safe house under the witness protection program.

This is one of the guards in the safe house.